time to stop

or














looks like i'll nv have good things to write on the blog?
wonder why...
sometimes, it nv rains but it pours..
wonder why..
at this moment when all i wana do is change...
to better myself
to improve...

swore to try and change how i look at the endof this 'turning point' sem..
still trying to forget last heartbreaking sem..
man.. tell me where i went wrong..
all i wana do is to live a better life, to get fit n healthy..
make ppl eat their words.. i figure..

who the hell m i trying to kid..

gym is the place to go
where i let my frustrations n sadness known to the cold iron bar
gripped tight in my hands..

u guys must b thinking i'm crazy talking to those old n rusty weights,
sitting on the dirty old gym floor..
ha.. beg to differ.. how often do u get to release ur pended- up, f**ked up anger n stress?
i count myself lucky to have these dead weight.. literally.. with me..
they listened to me, heard me cried, felt my passion for them..
they were always there for me..
whenever n whatever..
they witness my struggles when my 'world with her' fell apart..
guess they did try to pick me up.. or vice versa..

guess all the venting out to lifeless steel finally caught up with me..
guess i owe those weights an apology..

my lower back is hurt real badly this time..

felt pins n needles today after bball when i tot it's getting better..
i m scared i might have to go under the knife..

i realli don't want to end up liddat..

to be unable to gym
to be unable to ball
to be unable to do these two things i held so dear

my 2 main source of happiness n joy left after she walked out on me...

i duno wat i've got left...

dun wana bother others wif my pain..

sometimes, it's juz unbearable to think..
sometimes i juz hope she might know abt my pain,
can i even dare to hope she'll actually care abt me anymore?
is it wrong to harbour this thought?
maybe juz a word of concern?

den again, there's this voice who will keepin remindin me
"hahaha.........
c'mon yh, u knew it.....
don't be stupid.... ask urself was she ever realli there for u?"

man, i duno.. she did, didn't she?

"when? in ur dreams? how often was it?"

i guess.. she was nv realli there when i needed her most....

sigh...
spare my back...
i m realli scared....